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[personal profile] roselightfairy
I've been thinking about screens today, and how much time I spend on them, and trying to both wrestle with the feelings that thought engenders and also try to come up with some ways to move forward.

It's always so hard for me to talk about this issue, because I feel like it so easily turns into this morality of "kids these days and their devices," no matter who is doing the talking or who is the subject of discussion. It's so hard for me to acknowledge the problem of the "devices" because I simultaneously value them so much. I am so grateful for the things that technology has brought me; many of the people I connect with and the things that bring me joy are reachable because of my phone and my computer. I don't want to cheapen the power of that connection or the joy of those pastimes by simplifying the issue into a "screens bad, why can't kids these days just put it down" kind of issue.

But the trouble is... most of the people I connect with (almost all of them, in these days of distancing); most of the things that bring me joy; most of the ways to edify myself come from the computer. My chats are there; my fanfic; my writing - writing stories in longhand is so slow, and I'd have to transcribe it all anyway, so it's better and more satisfying to do it on the computer to begin with. Even if I decide to do something "serious" like read an article or a paper, it's online. My work is online; much of my schoolwork when I was in school required a computer. And because of this, I find that I'm easily spending most of the day on screens. I think the only times I wasn't on my computer today were when I took a quick walk, and when I took a nap. And both of those times, my phone was within easy reaching distance.

It feels like a shame to admit this, and I don't want it to, because I don't want to be ashamed of doing lots of these things that bring me pleasure. But I also know it's not good for me - for my body, or for my spirit.

I started thinking about it - why did I need my phone within easy reach? It was so I could answer a chat, talk to a person. I wanted to be on my computer so I could have my Word document open in case I wanted to write it. And yes, there are those blank periods of mindless scrolling that happen to me, and I know those are the target of reducing screen time... but actually doing that is so much harder.

I've read some advice for this at various times - this isn't the first time I've gone seeking a way to work on this. (And yes, the irony that I do this through looking up articles or posting on social media isn't lost on me.) But most of those little bits of advice are things like rearranging the apps on your phone, or setting a timer to reduce the amount of time you spend on it. And some of that advice is helpful, but when it comes to reducing the time I spend on it, I get stuck. I don't want to be away from my writing, I think. I don't want to stop myself from talking to people.

But today I started thinking about the urge to have the phone near, the compulsion to be on it even when I'm not actively doing anything. And it struck me that part of that is because having this miracle device with all this stuff at my fingertips has changed the way my brain works. It's not the device itself I'm addicted to, it's the stimulation. Somehow I've forgotten how to be quiet within myself, to be okay with not answering that message right away, with not having that document right there just in case I need to use it. Even when I'm not on the device, I'm thinking about something that was on it, or twitching automatically towards it. It's not the device, it's the things that are on it. If you could take it all off a screen, I'd be on that as well. But I would still be seeking constant stimulation, even if that stimulation makes me feel worse in the long run (like mindless scrolling).

I feel like all this is so self-explanatory, but there's just something about writing it all out that helps me. And I guess I'm wondering if people have any advice about that. Not so much advice about how to put the phone down, but about... how to be okay once it is down. How to rediscover some of that quietness, some of that ability to wait, rather than needing to look at something, everything, all the time. How to focus back in on a single task instead of flitting from tab to tab. I feel like doing that would help me reduce my screen time, but it would also help me be more intentional with my time in general, and it seems like that would be a more satisfying remedy in the end.

I don't know if any of the above made sense, but if you have thoughts, feelings, or advice, I would love to hear.

Date: 2020-04-10 12:43 pm (UTC)
thenewbuzwuzz: converse on tree above ground (Default)
From: [personal profile] thenewbuzwuzz
I struggle with this too. Yoga/breathing exercises/guided meditation helps somewhat, when I do it. Exercise in general has a big effect on my ability to focus.

I also have this crude method wherein I put my phone in airplane mode or switch off the internet connection for a day, whenever I feel super overwhelmed and stuck in reflexive scrolling/refreshing. I usually try to fill those days with exercising and/or being outside and/or having a good time with people (though that's harder now), and I don't count writing as being online. I have an offline day planned tomorrow, actually. Me and sister will go for a short hike in the morning, and in the afternoon I think I might draw (which will require the internet for reference images unless I can fetch them from my laptopwreck, but I think I'm fine with that). Maybe I'll cook something special or go get next week's groceries.

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