Coming down from vacation mode...

...is hard, but necessary, if I don't want to be shocked too badly by my overflowing work inbox tomorrow.

I leaned into my privilege, and took a calculated risk, for a much-needed mental health break: went on a five-day road trip with my mom. Camping, barefoot hiking, cooking on a little camp stove, rejoicing in one another's company, and taking very few showers... it was exactly the break from my rigid routines, drudgery, and despair-spiraling that I desperately needed.

I always hope something like this will be creatively stimulating, but really I didn't do much. But I think that's good. Something I've noted that I really need to work on is being more present in my mind where my body is - usually I am always in the same little mental world no matter what I'm doing. And this time I didn't - when we were hiking, I was hiking; when we were looking at breathtaking scenery, I was really there. Even when we were driving, I was usually chatting or picking music or commenting on the podcasts or sleeping, rather than spending hours in my own head. (I mean, there was still some of that, especially on the last day, but nobody's perfect.)

And now... here I am home, and while it's wonderful to be clean again, I'm really not looking forward to work tomorrow.

Regardless, I deeply needed this, and I feel like a part of my soul is just a little rejuvenated.