Heat Wave Day 4
Jun. 29th, 2021 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roselightfairyWell. It's...lessening. Sort of.
I mean, the temperatures are lower, so that's good. But I'm back at my place now, and the air is so stagnant and heavy here and this place just sponges up heat; there's only so much fans can do and escaping whenever it's hot just isn't feasible - especially since there's no way this is going to get any better. Even if that was the worst of it for this summer, global warming ain't slowing down.
Which I hate, because I think the only solution that is sustainable to me physically continuing to exist is buying an air conditioner. (Along with probably half the state.) And I don't know what kind to pick, and the whole thing is so stressful and I only have so much brain capacity to think about what to do and how to do it.
And on top of that I just feel gross. I'm sweaty, of course, which is its own kind of sticky unpleasantness, but I just feel like I've sunk into a quagmire in the last several days - like I can't move or think or do anything productive in any way, even when I do manage to do things with my mind. I feel like I'm doing nothing, and I can't move around because the outdoors will hurt me and the indoors is a sticky swamp of sticky stickiness. And I've been eating a lot - let me preface this by saying that I am stringently anti-diet culture and against any kind of shame being attached to food. But I'm still affected by the world, and I can't entirely shake those mindsets - especially when I feel like my own relationship to food isn't what I'd like it to be. I love food and I love eating, but I feel like lately I'm just eating because I want a distraction from how hot I am - like getting some snacks is a way of temporarily thinking about anything other than my discomfort. And all the stuff that would feel nourishing and good is harder to make, and I don't want to put forth any effort, so I just . . . eat, and am unsatisfied, and sit, and eat more when I can't bear sitting any longer, and feel the inside grow stickier and stickier even as outside the Yellow Face (borrowing a Gollum-term) glares at me like it would like to scorch me alive, and it's just -
It's so unpleasant. I can't deal with this much longer, even if the 100-degree temperatures havetemporarily receded.
I mean, the temperatures are lower, so that's good. But I'm back at my place now, and the air is so stagnant and heavy here and this place just sponges up heat; there's only so much fans can do and escaping whenever it's hot just isn't feasible - especially since there's no way this is going to get any better. Even if that was the worst of it for this summer, global warming ain't slowing down.
Which I hate, because I think the only solution that is sustainable to me physically continuing to exist is buying an air conditioner. (Along with probably half the state.) And I don't know what kind to pick, and the whole thing is so stressful and I only have so much brain capacity to think about what to do and how to do it.
And on top of that I just feel gross. I'm sweaty, of course, which is its own kind of sticky unpleasantness, but I just feel like I've sunk into a quagmire in the last several days - like I can't move or think or do anything productive in any way, even when I do manage to do things with my mind. I feel like I'm doing nothing, and I can't move around because the outdoors will hurt me and the indoors is a sticky swamp of sticky stickiness. And I've been eating a lot - let me preface this by saying that I am stringently anti-diet culture and against any kind of shame being attached to food. But I'm still affected by the world, and I can't entirely shake those mindsets - especially when I feel like my own relationship to food isn't what I'd like it to be. I love food and I love eating, but I feel like lately I'm just eating because I want a distraction from how hot I am - like getting some snacks is a way of temporarily thinking about anything other than my discomfort. And all the stuff that would feel nourishing and good is harder to make, and I don't want to put forth any effort, so I just . . . eat, and am unsatisfied, and sit, and eat more when I can't bear sitting any longer, and feel the inside grow stickier and stickier even as outside the Yellow Face (borrowing a Gollum-term) glares at me like it would like to scorch me alive, and it's just -
It's so unpleasant. I can't deal with this much longer, even if the 100-degree temperatures have
