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Gratitude Journal: 3/31/2020
Mar. 31st, 2020 07:02 pmI am having a hard day (in large part self-inflicted, due to incessant picking at brainscabs) and I'm going to try to do the gratitude thing more deliberately, trying to breathe in and really think about-- and expand on-- the things I write today.
1. This isn't new, but I am still and always grateful for fandom flow. I have been working on a collaborative project for a couple of months now, a kind of form I've never tried before, and it is so wonderful and rewarding. I love having fandom friends because I know they'll never get tired of it if I want to randomly bring up Legolas and Gimli in the middle of conversation, and I especially love that magical feeling of the back-and-forth when one person's creativity inspires another and you come up with things together that you couldn't have made alone. And I love that that mutual creativity also inspires me on my solo projects - and that I have a friend who's willing to let me talk about them for as long as I do.
2. I am grateful to be in a place where I can take walks in my "backyard Ithilien" and rejoice in the fresh air without feeling like Taking A Walk has to be a production I prepare for.
3. I am grateful to be the kind of person who leans into learning uncomfortable ideas, who doesn't want to ignore the things I don't like. Sometimes I need time and distance after taking in something new to absorb it and figure out what I think about it, whether I need to change my opinions or whether I do truly still feel the way I did before. That time and distance is an uncomfortable thing to take, and it is hard in the current world, where everything feels hard and angry and there is an undercurrent of shame beneath every choice and thought. It's uncomfortable and difficult to lean into, but I am grateful that I haven't fallen so far into my own echo chamber that I'm not able to do that. I have to learn how to give myself grace on that, and this is my attempt.
4. I am grateful for wonderful new fic that allows me to take some of that space and distance and work on feeling okay again after a foray into discomfort.
1. This isn't new, but I am still and always grateful for fandom flow. I have been working on a collaborative project for a couple of months now, a kind of form I've never tried before, and it is so wonderful and rewarding. I love having fandom friends because I know they'll never get tired of it if I want to randomly bring up Legolas and Gimli in the middle of conversation, and I especially love that magical feeling of the back-and-forth when one person's creativity inspires another and you come up with things together that you couldn't have made alone. And I love that that mutual creativity also inspires me on my solo projects - and that I have a friend who's willing to let me talk about them for as long as I do.
2. I am grateful to be in a place where I can take walks in my "backyard Ithilien" and rejoice in the fresh air without feeling like Taking A Walk has to be a production I prepare for.
3. I am grateful to be the kind of person who leans into learning uncomfortable ideas, who doesn't want to ignore the things I don't like. Sometimes I need time and distance after taking in something new to absorb it and figure out what I think about it, whether I need to change my opinions or whether I do truly still feel the way I did before. That time and distance is an uncomfortable thing to take, and it is hard in the current world, where everything feels hard and angry and there is an undercurrent of shame beneath every choice and thought. It's uncomfortable and difficult to lean into, but I am grateful that I haven't fallen so far into my own echo chamber that I'm not able to do that. I have to learn how to give myself grace on that, and this is my attempt.
4. I am grateful for wonderful new fic that allows me to take some of that space and distance and work on feeling okay again after a foray into discomfort.
